That's right. I am the current undisputed bantam weight volleyball playing tornado riding mofo on this earth. Behold my skill and great stamina layethst before thou. I have chosen the Internet to reveal this dangerous and somewhat illegal practice of tornado surfing strategy. What I say goes so if you have other ideas you may leave now.
Lesson 1:
Find ripe tornado
Finding the right one is easy to do. Just watch local weather reports with clashing warm and cold fronts and for dramatic changes with the barometric pressure.
Lesson 2:
Have idiot friend drive real fast while standing on mounted surfboard on roof with volleyball
This step requires finding someone that has nerves of steel and great insurance coverage. If extremely short on cash you may substitute surfboard with a boogie board, skim board, or kayak. Drive at said tornado at a vector of 45 degrees and exactly 57 m.p.h. This will give you lift into the funnel cloud.
Lesson 3:
Transfer from car to twister
I usually wear extremely loud shorts and throw up my shaka sign for aerodynamics. Something I must mention is the hidden secret of tornado travel - lube. Vasoline, KY, Astro-Glide, butter, etc. This will decrease foreign objects sticking to you during the insertion. Watch for splinters, roof shingles, and random nails at this point. Keep the nose of the board up so you won't get blown back down to earth and be a pile of pink slush.
Lesson 4:
Goodie grabber
Towards the top inside lip of the tornado is where you will find the choicest items to prove to all that you were inside the tornado and you've got something to show for it. Items I have collected include;
1/2 of a fur coat
Broken bottle of shampoo (Smells like apples and cigarettes)
Small dog I call Chewy. Chewy incurred $348.92 of vet bills and a 6 month body cast on our adventure
A bird named Jammie. I think his head went into his body or something
Dentures with two teeth missing - adhesive still in good condition.
Balance is the key to more things that are whipping around the wall
Lesson 5:
The top of the cloud, spike volleyball down hole, and the ride back down
Slap volleyball down wind tunnel. This is the worst time to be scared. If you are a chicken you wish at this time that you should of wore a parachute. I laugh at you. Sometimes I ride the top for a few minutes and place a call on my cellular phone. I call my brother or sisters. Oh the talks we have - discussing debris and what's on the television at the time. Okay. Then it's time to drop in and lookout for cows, chickens, pieces of fence, trash bags, dental floss, rabbits, squirrels, lumber, whipping telephone lines. The list goes on. Rule of thumb is when something comes at you to move to the left or right of the object.
Lesson 6:
Exiting the funnel of discipline
I usually just spring from my regular stance into a coffin and just lean back until it spits me out like a spoiled grape. Do not attempt to step off the board until it comes to a complete stop and you check your baggage. You made it. You are like me but not like me. The great Fang Wang always is better in the end but any tricks performed entering, during, and leaving the tornado have been already completed by me so no 'Oh...I did a 34000 melon stalefish varial into a Fang Wang swan dive' around me. You are not as good as me. That is all.
This is quite an expensive sport so seek a few sponsors. I am sponsored by only one company. Future Corn Dog Enterprises. The corndog that melts in your mouth and with the radical mustard flavored core which may be hot after heating. Do not go to them and ask to be sponsored. They will laugh at you. They will ask you how you dare to ask that question and you might be a member if you buy the great Fang Wang a new car that runs on windmill power. The volleyball manufacturers will not sponsor me because of liability issues. I am cool. I am Fang Wang. You are not.
*No tornado was harmed in the making of this story and please do not ever attempt to ever surf a tornado, hurricane, wading pool, or any other silly act. Mr. Fang Wang of Fang-Wang International and other small organizations owned by him are made up or possibly exist. Look both ways while crossing traffic and wear your underwear on the outside of your clothing before going to work tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed this story but it is not intended to be extremely funny.
THE SAGA CONTINUES...
Sujet: Lessons pour TORNADO-SURFING 
